In my views, real life-partnership begins after marriage where one starts living with the realities of life and fairytales start going up in air, as expected. In modern India, now many couples settle for marriage after a courtship and it’s needed for the way life has changed with time and really good to know each other before marriage. Ironically, life during courtship is very romantic and full of idealism for the most, but many get hit by the realities of life where one has to take social responsibilities and live together by making adjustments and also over a period of time one starts to get irritated with each others habits and unable to cope with the demands of this partnership. Nothing comes easy, one has to work to enjoy.
To keep the flame of LIFE PARTNERSHIP glowing and alive, both need to add fuel to it. The fuel to keep the partnership beaming with glow and to spread fragrance, comes through invisible ways and both have to keep learning everyday to work on it.
I strongly feel that after certain age one must get married as it offers an amazing life ahead if the JOINT VENTURE OF LIFE is well understood, some before marriage and some soon after marriage, rest all along the way.
Once a person gets married then Life becomes a joint venture. Anyone defying the nature’s law and that of joint venture (by not being a good human being and selfish), deprives oneself a lot of heavenly gifts of Life. I procrastinated my marriage till I reached 39, very rare in India, for many reasons which changed time to time. The foremost reason was that I was too scared to jump into this gamble of living with an unknown or even known person who may prove me wrong for my choice, in the longer run of life. So, I kept waiting for the suitable candidate with whom I could share my life thereafter and live together till death, I never wanted to divorce unless it’s a mess beyond all means. And I was not willing to sacrifice my freedom! Yes, I strongly advocate that one must get married only once one is ready to take the responsibilities of this LIFE PARTNERSHIP which means your unconditional freedom has to go. Also, I wanted to understand what married life demands and be mentally prepared to make adjustments and sacrifices. One of my seniors in the army (in 1989) Capt Sukhi Sekhon (later retired as Colonel) shared and advised when I sought his views about what is the formula to live happy married life, he said – DON’T HAVE ANY EXPECTATIONS, it’s a bliss to live that way.
I have been very lucky to have got married to Dr Rajbir Kaur (a Sikh). She is qualified as a homeopath doctor from Chandigarh Homeopathic Medical College.
We never imposed anything on each other, in fact we followed a very simple formula of life living together as married LIVE FOR YOUR PARTNER, care for each other. We have loved travelling together and it gave us a wonderful life and family.
Life has not been bed of roses always. Though we have lived life which most friends have envied us. We have happily braved ups and downs together.
Most failed marriages have common root cause, very common. Most are having mismatch of aspiration and have no clarity about LIFE. While getting into this JV one has to keep in mind only nothing and it’s the MOST IGNORED aspect – the foremost issue is LOOK FOR GOOD HUMAN-BEING and not for educational qualification, wealth, job status, etc first. If one gets married to a suitable person who is a good human being then making to understand each other becomes very easy. Sadly, in this materialistic world people start looking for all other qualities which can be acquired later but if one is not a good human being then you can not make one a good partner. The most important aspect which is
the fountainhead of good life is ignored the most. A good human being can pave a good path for your life as joint venture.
One must overlook personal ego, temperament, own comforts, and learn how to live and care for your Ljfepartner, this is the path to lead a good life in a meaningful way. Stay focused to enjoy life.
I would like to add here that one must give space to each other and respect and support each other’s passions as well. I am sure there are always hobbies and activities which are not pursued by the both, never ridicule or discourage your partner for the activities which they love but you don’t.
These are few most important points for a long-term successful life partnership.
- Extend maximum care and support physically and emotionally to your partner.
- Understand and accommodate your partner’s needs and desires, first.
- Women need a bit extra care as they really go through a lot to support their family.
- It’s the woman in India who leaves her parents after marriage, she must be respected like a special guest to assure extraordinary security of all kinds.
- Must learn how to appreciate your partner’s efforts i.e. cooking, sense of dressing up, wisdom, etc.
- Always appreciate and admire your partner, never let the flaws be known in public.
- Do compare your partner with others but only about strengths and talents.
- Any issues should be discussed carefully and never hurt; women are very sensitive and may carry the hurt (intentional or unintentional) for very long.
- Always use gentle language.
- If there is an argument, think your partner is off head for the moment and don’t react, things will be alright after a while, if one of the partners maintains cool. At this time, extend care and support the viewpoint instead of criticising and yelling; only care and love can sort out any issue otherwise things can flare up easily.
- Do accompany your partner where possible.
- One must support partner’s choice unless until one is sure that it’s going to cause loss or get ridicule.
- Forgiveness and unconditional apology are two adhesives to create special bond and don’t let your ego come in between, main root cause for failed relationships.
- Extend best possible respect in public and speak good words boldly for your partner in public, especially partner’s sagacity.
- Must listen to your partner.
- Try to understand your partner first, don’t push your partner to understand you first.
- Physical love is a very delicate issue, one must know and understand each other’s desires and limits.
- Establish the best communication channels with your partner, it helps to understand and strengthen relationship.
- Come what may, stand by each other through thick and thin.
- Never ridicule or criticise failures of your partner. Though, may discuss at the right moment to ensure its not repeated.
- Enjoy holidays together in romantic settings.
- Never let `quick fun moments’ go past, grab and enjoy!
MORE IS BEING WRITTEN please come by later… Its in progress.